Selling properties for divorcing couples comes with challenges, but having a system smoothes out the transaction for everyone.
By Michael Chazin
Selling a house for a divorcing couple is like any normal real estate sale, but with a dysfunctional twist. Although a divorcing couple may not be happy with each other, many would assume that they still want to sell as soon as possible, says Jen Teske, CRS, RE/MAX Alliance, Edwardsville, Illinois. The goal of selling the house surely exists, yet even when both parties want to sell, “they end up using it as a bargaining chip,” she says.
Money Is a Top Concern
Financial considerations are top of mind with any divorcing seller. “Everybody wants the best price, but in a divorce, if the money is going to be split, it becomes even more important,” says Jo Alderman, CRS, Giesen-Caldwell Agency, Inc., in Radford, Virginia. “They want to know that they will have enough money to buy something else.”
Divorcing couples typically share at least one goal—to sell the house as quickly as possible, says Thomas J. Nelson, CRS, Big Block Realty in San Diego. But sometimes they become distracted with emotional concerns; when that happens, the agent should remind them of that goal. “It’s about getting on with your life and disconnecting from that person in every way,” he says. Selling the house breaks that connection and relieves them of a financial burden.
The unique financial situation of a couple going through a divorce affects their motivation as sellers. “Every dollar counts a little more because they are going from a two-income to a one-income household,” says Sharri Bailey, CRS, Berkshire Hathaway Home Service in Yak, Washington.
5 Tips for Selling Properties by Divorced Owners
1. Set expectations early regarding sale price and closing.
2. Set the No. 1 goal— get the highest price for the property.
3. Stay out of the drama; don’t take sides.
4. Couples don’t need to agree; make it about what the buyer needs.
5. For a secondary goal, remind clients they will have less contact with this person in the future.
Keep Communications Flowing
Divorcing couples selling a property often disagree, which constitutes the biggest challenge. When working with divorcing sellers, a good place to start is to set expectations. “Interview each side to find out their expectations,” Bailey says. “Find a compromise between them, and make sure they agree on pricing, showing terms and moving time frames.”
Divorcing sellers want equal and fair treatment. “They want to be heard,” Nelson says. He keeps sellers on a regular communications schedule.
“I tell them both I will update them every Monday and Friday,” he says. On Mondays he tells them what happened over the weekend and what sort of feedback he has received. On Fridays he lets them know what happened during the week. “If there is any breaking news, I let both know right away.”
“You have to set ground rules from the very beginning,” Teske says. She offers divorcing clients the option of group texting so they both receive identical messages at the same time. Her divorcing sellers always choose that. She tells them upfront that as soon as the conversation moves from the sale of the home to talking about the other party, she will cut them off.
Teske has learned that video is a great way to communicate with divorcing clients. She uses BombBomb to update clients and sends both individuals the same video. “They both see and hear the same message at the same time,” she says. Video makes the experience more memorable, and she always adds an affirmative statement about how well her clients are working together. “It is so much stronger when you say that in a video compared to a text or an email,” she adds.
When Negotiations Stall
When emotions run high, negotiations can head south. Managing dissenting opinions can be part of the process when working with divorcing couples, but specific approaches can help overcome these obstacles.
Over the last several years, the majority of Nelson’s listings have been with couples going through a divorce, he says. Often these sellers are motivated; they want to get the sale completed as soon as possible. Other times, when one party is less motivated or has other issues, “they can sabotage the process and make it difficult to sell, or they become unreasonable,” Nelson says.
“Selling and buying real estate are emotional transactions,” Alderman says. “Throw the emotion of a divorce into that, and sometimes it gets treacherous.” The agent gets stuck between the two parties and needs to walk a fine line. “You don’t talk about either one to the other, and you don’t take sides,” she says.
No matter how much disagreement might exist, couples still come together based on the common goal to sell the house, Nelson says. The divorce decree usually requires that sale, and both parties typically look forward to the payoff when the house gets sold to fund their next steps. They can be united behind that goal, but must also understand that compromises are necessary. “But often they don’t want to compromise; they’re going through a divorce,” Nelson says.
When compromising isn’t possible, disagreements can turn negative. If someone is very angry at the other person and doesn’t like how events are unfolding, watch out. “When it gets heated, people will sometimes go against what their attorney tells them or what makes sense,” Teske says. She has seen spouses refuse to agree on a closing date just to punish their partner.
At times like that, Nelson attempts to bring the discussion back to the business at hand and maintain the focus on the business minus any emotion. “Keep it focused on the facts so they don’t go off track,” he says. “Make it about the buyer.” Explain, for example, that the contract date is the best time for the buyer to close.
“My job is to get them the highest offer and the terms they want,” Teske says. When one party refuses to sign a full-price offer, it represents an emotional outburst. “It is my job to bring reason to the situation and remind them of the ultimate goal—to sell the house,” she says. “Be the voice of reason and don’t take sides. Never provide legal advice. If you have a dissenter in the group, encourage them to seek legal advice.”
Make Them Feel Good
Sometimes involving legal counsel seems unavoidable. “Divorcing couples need to feel good about what is being presented in terms of the sale and the market,” Bailey says. If one party becomes unreachable, legal counsel might offer the only solution. Lawyers tend to emphasize differences, and when added to the negotiation, they can make it harder to reach an agreement, she says.
Before turning to lawyers, attempt to focus both sides on the big picture. “Keep them emotionally strong to get the deal closed,” Nelson says.
“It’s about dealing with their emotional needs as much as selling the home.” 
CRSs have lots of experience helping divorcing couples. Need help? Join our We Are CRS Facebook group and ask your fellow CRSs.
