How to Lose a Negotiation

Avoiding these common mistakes can help you do right by your client.

By Cheryl Winokur Munk

Elaine Byrne, CRS, recently dealt with a REALTOR® who was so belligerent that her client refused to consider the bid he had submitted. Even though it was one of the best offers on the table, Byrne’s client simply didn’t want to deal with him.

“During negotiations, especially when there are multiple offers on a property, things like how the REALTOR® presents himself or herself become important,” says Byrne, a broker with Elaine Byrne Realty in Austin, Texas.

Negotiation is most definitely an art, but there’s also a certain science to understanding how not to act during the process. Even seasoned REALTORS® sometimes find themselves engaging in negotiation tactics that can delay a deal or make it an unnecessarily unpleasant experience. The trick is to learn from these experiences and try to avoid them in the future.

In many circumstances, it’s a big negotiation no-no when REALTORS® are too pushy or demanding. Even worse, perhaps, is when agents make snap judgments about an offer, or take it as a personal affront. This type of behavior can do irreparable damage to the negotiation process. “It’s not about the REALTOR®, it’s about the client,” says Byrne. “Whether you represent the buyer or the seller, do not insert yourself into the negotiation.”

It’s a hard lesson to learn and even more difficult when you’re on the receiving end of a tirade. Mandy Becker, CRS, recalls a listing agent who took her indignation over an offer she considered low-ball to an extreme. Instead of reaming her out, Becker says the REALTOR® should have realized it was only an initial offer and been more willing to collaborate. In the end, the deal closed for about $10,000 to $15,000 more, but the angst the agent caused made the whole situation unnecessarily unpleasant. “Offers are usually starting points. If you can get past the egos and get into the back and forth of negotiations, there’s really a good chance it can work out,” says Becker, broker/owner of RE/MAX Southern Shores in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Talk, Don’t Text

While it can be a wonderful thing, technology can also hurt the negotiation process. REALTORS® must be careful not to rely on technology too much while ignoring face-to-face and telephone communications. You never really know how your email or text will be understood — or misunderstood — by the person reading it.

Jackie Leavenworth, a CRS certified instructor who lectures internationally about sales skills and negotiation tactics, experienced this firsthand about a year ago after she sent an email to a co-worker with the words: “You’re not still following up with the D.C. client, are you?” Leavenworth meant to convey that the co-worker had tried hard enough and it was time to move on. The co-worker, however, interpreted the email to mean that she hadn’t been doing her job properly and reacted defensively.

This example really drives home the lesson that technology may be faster and more efficient, but it isn’t always more effective. “If your message can be misinterpreted in any way, or there is a decision to be made, don’t send it by email or text. Talk to people,” says Leavenworth, who also owns Jackie Leavenworth Seminars.

Find the Right Balance

Negotiation is a balancing act. It’s easy to get carried away and inadvertently give too much information that could disadvantage your clients, such as their need to close quickly or the actual amount they are willing to spend on a property. On the other hand, Joanne Stone, CRS, a broker with RE/MAX Realty One in York, Maine, finds it beneficial to share certain information about her clients that she thinks will help foster relationships. “Buying or selling a home is a very personal matter, whether it’s a $50,000 or $5 million transaction. If the parties can relate to each other, it can help the negotiation process immensely,” she says.

Deals can also get derailed when details about an offer are not clearly set out in writing. Sandie Hea, CRS, an agent with RE/MAX Results in St. Louis, Missouri, had a situation recently where another agent presented a written offer, but then negotiated the terms of the counter-offer verbally. This led to problems when Hea’s client, the seller, got a better offer in writing. After some back and forth, the original parties came to an agreement, but Hea says it would have gone much smoother had the terms been put on paper initially. “Don’t do anything verbally because it will come back to bite you,” she says.

Issues can also arise during negotiations when REALTORS® inadvertently lose control over their clients. Rich Sands, CRS, president of Rich Sands Seminars in Aurora, Colorado, remembers one instance where the potential buyers walked out of the closing because his client, the seller, was such a bully. Sands managed to salvage the deal, but says in hindsight that he should have done more to rein in his client earlier on. “I kept thinking ‘We’ll get through this, we’ll get through this,’ and we almost didn’t get through it,” says Sands, who teaches several courses for the Council of Residential Specialists.

When it comes to negotiating successfully, REALTORS® will get a lot further by listening carefully to all sides, trying to understand everyone’s motivations, being respectful and keeping their own emotions in check. “That’s one of the hardest things I’ve learned over the years,” Hea says. “It’s really the client’s decision. We can’t take it personally.”

Cheryl Winokur Munk is a freelance writer and editor based in West Orange, New Jersey.

For more information on how CRS can help you improve your negotiating tactics, visit crs.com/education.